The Dead Truth
by dazedrose
Summary: This is the revised version of my entry to the Dead Pan contest. It's Sookieverse meets The Ugly Truth... first fic, and i suck at summaries


A/N: This is a expansion of my entry for the Dead Pan Contest that has just finished. Congratulations to all the fabulous writers that won! I will be basically splitting the original one-shot into chapters to help with pace and to add some scenes that I couldn't have in the original entry. I want to thank my original beta Chiisai_kitty for helping through my first story and contest and to the Beautiful Elbly and again Chiisai_kitty for helping me nut out the expanding of the story.

This story is a parody of the movie 'The Ugly Truth', starting Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. I just really loved this movie (Gerard is just plain yummy) and thought that the Sookieverse would fit. So enjoy reading this. As this is my first story be gentle, please!

**Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns the SVM characters. Columbia Pictures, Lakeshore Productions and probably others own 'The Ugly Truth'.**

^v^

**SOOKIE POV**

Grabbing a coffee from the little café situated just outside the CBS Shreveport station, I checked my watch, and realised that I was running a few minutes late. It was totally out of character for me to be running late, but I had gotten caught in traffic on the way to work that afternoon. School time traffic is a killer these days. It's not something I tended to think about often. Kids that is. Being a telepath lends me to the belief that I will never have any of my own. Don't get me wrong, I would love to get married, have a litter of kids and live in the white picket fenced house, but I just don't think it will be possible. It's not easy dating guys whose every thought you could hear running through your head, especially if that guy happens to be a loud broadcaster.

Only since the Vampire populace had 'came out of the coffin' a few years back has my mind has turned once again to dating and finding that special someone. You see, on top of being telepathic and its disastrous effects on my dating, I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Ok, ok, I'm anal, all right… there; the first step is to admit you have a problem. I just like knowing things that's all. I was really shocked when the Vampires came out, though I knew that if I could hear other people's thoughts, then why couldn't other mythical things exist?

I now know that my boss of five years, Sam Merlotte, is a Shifter. It wasn't a shock per se, as I always found it really hard to hear his thoughts. It was more like feelings, and hazy thoughts. I knew that he had feelings for me, but I was still really shocked how he came out to tell me of his other nature. He shifted, in front of me, in my lounge room one night after some office drinks. To say I was speechless would be an understatement. He started taking his clothes off first, and I nearly high tailed it out of there. But the look on Sam's face and the tone of his voice made me second-guess that initial response. I am glad that he told me, as I had already told him about my little quirk a few months after I had started work for him.

But I think that is why I like working with him, and doing the job I do. I'm actually the producer of the once popular talk show 'The Evening Shift'. The stars were 'happily' married local celebrities Tara Thornton and JB de Rone (Tara insisted on being known by her maiden name, even though they have been married for over 15 years). These guys were great together, though over the last few years their personal life has been impacting on their on-screen relationship. Everyone loves a loving couple and I think that they viewers are starting to think we have developed into more of a Jerry Springer feel than the original 'Morning-type' talk show. We originally catered for the shift workers or night shift people, who miss out on the morning version of the show.

Ever since the Vampires came out, we have noticed both a decline in viewer-ship and a changing of the demographic. 'Fangbangers' have become the hot commodity in the entertainment business, with more and more products and services being geared towards this new section of 'working' class America. Not that a lot of these type of people actually get paid for what they do, but they have gotten themselves onto a different 'clock' than most of America, and are not very well catered for at the present. So it is looking more and more like we need to either 'shit or get off the pot', so to speak.

That is why a meeting was scheduled for this afternoon; the one that I was running late for. Luckily, as I got out of the lift, Amelia, my beautiful assistant (who was actually a very well respected Witch in the supernatural world), was there waiting for me with good news. It's easy to read Amelia, because for one she is a very loud broadcaster (one that at this point in time was re-creating the very adventurous sex she was involved in with her husband Jason last night).

"There is such thing as too much information, Amelia," I said, trying to shake images of my best friend and my brother doing things I've only ever read about. Sometimes having set up Amelia and Jason didn't look like such a great idea on my part, but it was one of the ever-evident results of my controlling nature.

"Sorry, Sook, I kinda got carried away there didn't I?"

At least she had the gall to look sorry for her imagery, but of course I would forgive her. She has been my best friend since before I can remember, and has not once given me crap about my quirk.

"So what is this good news I just know you want to tell me?" I asked, trying to steer her mind from those nasty visuals.

"I have found Mr. Right for you!" she exclaimed, dumping a rather thick pile of print outs that I just knew were all the usual information I like to gather for my prospective dates. "But we really need to get into that meeting. Sam is running a bit late, but everyone else is waiting in the meeting room for us." With that Amelia led the way down to the room where the rest of the 'The Evening Shift' crew was waiting to begin.

As I entered the room I scanned to see if everyone was here. Of course the 'stars' of the show were there, having a very loud 'private' discussion about their lack of 'relations' as of late. Terry, our weather anchor, was sitting at the table, vaguely listening to Tara and JB's argument, while ripping a Minty wrapper into a long curly mess. Arlene, our 'celebrity' correspondent in Hollywood, had graced us with her presence, normally opting to be on a conference call for these meetings.

A few other people were there, our lovely cameraman Quinn and the head tech in the sound room, Andy. As Amelia and I took two of the three remaining seats, Quinn quickly slid himself into the unoccupied chair beside me.

"So Babe, when are you going to let me take you out of lunch or a night on the town?"

Now I had thought about dating Quinn, as he is actually some form of Were (though I'm not sure what type, due to them still being hidden from the world), but just the way he says babe gives me the shivers... and not in a good way.

"Quinn you know my rule, 'never date a co-worker'. And you, my friend, fall into that category." I made sure I looked him in the eye while saying this, making sure he knew I meant every word, and wasn't just playing hard to get. Never mind that he had asked this same question every afternoon for the past six months. The guy just doesn't give up.

"All good, babe, you'll come around." He got up from the seat and moved back around to see if the 'moves' would work on Arlene. Her response was a lot better than mine, with Quinn earning a slap across the face.

Luckily Sam walked into the room at this time, so the rest of us didn't get to relish in Quinn's double knock back. It wasn't until I looked up at Sam's face, and noticed a guarded look did I get worried. Now I do try and keep my shields up and to stay out of Sam's head, but with that look of his face I knew what was coming wasn't going to be good. I let my shield down and concentrated on Sam's thoughts, and they were less than pretty. The network bosses were not happy with the latest numbers, and they were seriously considering putting re-runs of Survivor on instead. Apparently Fangbangers have a thing for seeing people stranded on an island trying to survive. Go figure.

"Afternoon everyone, and thanks for coming in. Arlene, it's nice see you all the way down here. I hope Shreveport isn't too boring for you compared to the bright lights of Hollywood?"

"No Sam, I enjoy being away from all those beautiful Hollywood hunks and designer clothes. So why don't you tell us whatever you had me come down here for so I can get back to doing what I do best?" Did I tell you she was a snarky bitch and it was a joyous day when we threw her a 'heading to Hollywood' party a few years back?

"Ok, I'll just get right down to business then. I've spent all day in a meeting with the owners of the station and they have come to a decision concerning our falling ratings. They feel that if we don't bring in some new blood and pick the numbers up really quickly, then they are caning the show, and putting re-runs of Survivor in our time slot."

The noise coming from the assembled brains washed through my head, and I realised that I still hadn't put my shields back up. It didn't really matter though, as the internal thoughts of those around me mirrored mine exactly. We were screwed.

Almost immediately, Tara and JB launched into a tirade about what they could do for the show, rehashing many of our past ideas, Sam just sat down, defeated, and let the rest of us discuss what we were to do. Before long it was time to do the show, and we all went off our separate ways to start our tasks for show time.

As I was walking towards to sound booth with Andy, Sam walked up to me and looked me in the eye.

"Sookie we need a miracle. We really do!" With that, Sam turned and walked back into his office, as Andy and I continued on our way.

^v^

After yet another routine show, Amelia and I walked to our cars discussing the potential date I had scheduled for the coming Saturday night. Amelia had found Alcide on one of those on-line dating sites that she had signed me up for without my knowledge. We went through all the information gathered from the background checks and his on-line dating profile, and decided was that he would be 'prefect' for me. He did fit 9 out of my 10 checklist points for Mr. Right!

I spent the next few days organizing with Alcide a location for the date, and trying to wrack my brain to find a solution to the shows issues.

When Saturday night finally came around, I was armed with all the information Amelia and I had found, and a brand new dress. I don't normally lash out on new fancy clothes, tending to keep to the staple wardrobe of an office girl, but I thought with how right Alcide and I seem to work on paper, that now would be the perfect time for something new.

I strode purposely into the restaurant scouting out the available tables in search of my dinner date. When I couldn't see a man that fit the description from his dating profile I asked the hostess to inform me of my dates' whereabouts.

"I'm looking for my date. He is about 6 foot tall, with black hair…'

'Well aren't you a pretty little thing' said a massive piece of man behind me. The first thing I noticed, apart from the fact that he was a Were, were his brilliant green eyes. His hair was curly, thick and was black as pitch. It was the kind of hair you wanted to run your hands through.

As our waiter directed us to our table, I mentally went through the list I had created to insure this date went perfectly. This date would be perfect, it just had to be.


End file.
